makeover

Hey guys
I know its been a while. Since the last time I wrote I started classes and I have become president of the gospel choir. Also I have a part in community production. So life has been happening for me...FINALLY!!!

I feel like my spiritual makeover is taking place. Its a very hard process everyday I take a few steps forward I feel as though something whether its a thought or action pulls me back.
But I did receive steps to this makeover thanks to a certain bishop last sunday ( loved it :)
Step 1
Except responsibility for your actions: wow way easier said than done! Whether its a smart mouth (ME!!!),arrogance,low self esteem whatever, know that you are responsible.
Step2
Believe in change: know that your condition is not permanent. But also know the only one that has power to change you is Christ!! You can't change alone

Step 3
Commit to doing what it takes to change:whether its changing your friends, your speech just do it!
Step 4
Pray and obey :nuff said :)
Step 5
Deal with the unresolved issues
You need to let go of the past,forgive others just let Go and let God.

You know I was going to give up on this blog because it doesn't look like everyone else's but my name is not everyone else!! So I will work my way through making this blog more me

R A. W.

ok this totally just came to me like two seconds ago.... I am sitting here in the library on facebook ( i know right... soooo productive.) anywho... I am sitting there and i visit a friend's page and i see something i don't like. Yes it really just rubs me the wrong way, i look at it, read it atleast 4-5 times and just ugh!!!!!

VENT!!!!



Then i realize, and continue to realize that i am trapped and have been trapped by this feeling for toooooooo long. This friend gets way tooo much of my time,love,energy,and just way too many of my thoughts. At one pont my entire life quality was based on whether or not i talked to this person or who this person was talking to.




HONESTLY??????????







God has been beggging me to trust Him on this situation for a long time but i was never R.A.W with God. or ready and willing. I put my entire trust in this world and it has always and continues to let me down. So here i am God ready and willing. I have a past full of pain, a present full of fear, but future full of hope. Use me


Stay tuned for updates and pics... promise :)

the "Eve" in me

so i was reading the book called " Twelve Extraordinary Women" by John MacArthur and it really struck me.

Basically this book explores the lives of twelve "extraordinary" women from the bible, tells why they were so special to Christ and explains how this can be applied to today's standards.

so far i've only read the intro and a couple pages about Eve, the Mother of all living" (Gen 3:20). I have learned alot about Eve and her equality and complimentary status to Adam and also living in her subordinate position as well.

Today's gender and relational roles are extremely distorted. The reason women are so stressed as head of household is because they are working outside of God's designed positiion for them. We were not created to be to be protectors, leaders or sole providers. Instead God made us to be helpers, nurturers, mothers, and comforters.


Sadly these roles in today's world have been equated with weekness as a result of abused leadership by men and lack of trust in women for God to provide whom he has created for each of us. We look to our looks, jobs, cars, money and men to provide all these things instead of trusting the One who made it all in the first place.

Reading this i have learned the source of some of my desires to help, be needed and the longing for children and take care of others. That's how God made me!!! I am walking in my true feminine nature.

Where i lack is the trust in God to provide and satisfy those longings and needs. This book has been a true wake up call and i'm only on page 8!!

Thank you God for the revelation :) Helps me keeping going and He will help you too.

Still standing

The Lord has really been moving in my life lately. Currently we are working on developing my trust and patience. Man am i learning that i am one impatient person!!! Whooo and stubborn too. Anyway, everyday day ( well i strive for everyday) I read Romans chapter 7 one verse at a time. I started this at the beginning of July, fell off and have been getting back up through out the month. Currently i am on verse 17 which states:

"so I am not the doing wrong, it is the sin living within me that does it"

Now this really made me think, this is not me being impatient or pushy, but rather as i learned earlier in the chapter, the sinful nature dwelling inside of me. Honestly, when i first let this idea roll through my head, it sounded like an excuse. i mean come on now, your telling me some dark evil spirit gets inside my heart and controls my thoughts, motives,actions, and everything else? HA!!! but as i kept thinking there is also something inside of me that makes me feel bad for this actions, makes me stop and think before i send that suggestive text... NOW whats that all about? Just like there is something that convicts me for these actions there is another "something" in me that condones (spelling?) these actions.... Hmmmm
now that could be interesting and now this idea of a sinful nature doesn't sound so crazy.

Ok so i know it's not me and i've also learned because think what i am doing is wrong i agree that God's way is good and good FOR me... ok........ soooooo now what??

This is where God chimes in, he says : There is nothing you can do except give it to me and TRUST ME to fill you with my SPIRIT. SHOW ME THAT YOU LOVE ME.

hmmmmm... so there is nothing to do except... accept that i can't do anything without him. I'm broken and need help. Accept that im not perfect, there are ungodly things inside me and the ONLY "something" that can clense me is Him. so next i vented on paper naturally lol. WHOOOOOO that felt amazing i just let out all the things i feel and what scares me most and now you know we are on a journey to replenish and renew me.... it was wonderful honestly. Who knew such healing could come from such pain??? I Didn't. I am on my way some where... really, and i want to take you with me. IT'S SOOOO WORTH IT.

Still standing

it's not about me

so i was blog browsing today and i came across one that really touched me with a very valid point. Most of our sites whether it be twitter, facebook, blogs or myspace (still using that?)are created to glorify ourselves and we forget about God and all his glory. We forget about all the wonderful things he does for us on a daily basis, like waking us up, making us healthy, and giving us our right minds. So thanks to my sister who writes the blog whats on my heart, i have been inspired to rededicated my blog to him and thoughts about him. No random boys, or girls i think are prettier than me, or some celebrity i wish i was, no its just me and him. This is our hangout. I am also going to pray about a new name... is blah blah rude??? IDK but i feel a blessing is on the way, the Lord indeed is taking his people somewhere, He is really shifting things around as you can tell lol. But my God is making some changes, and created room in his kingdom and i want to make sure i don't miss my calling and i make my reservation for the hottest club there is... HEAVEN :)

open or closed? ( i like my lids closed)

hey friends ( or soon to be :)

so i have this a complication... ok in my bathroom we have this fancy toothbrush holder, look people this is no ordinary holder. You know how you have the plastic travel kind or the kind that stick to the wall??? YEA NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!! this holder not only sticks to the wall, but has a snazzy ( yea snazzy) lid that perserves the brissels ( spell check?? ) and it firmly grips the toothbrush by the neck and secures it. I mean this thing is the real deal, but the problem occurs with the lid. Naturally i thought i was supposed to be closed, because is that not the purpose of a lid to have the option of closing?? If it were meant to be open there would be no lid.... right??? But everytime i go into the bathroom it's always open... like ALWAYS.... Now at first i thought it was just CERTAIN people in my family ( for the sake of my Christianity they will remain nameless)being forgetful, hey no harm no foul there... happens to the best of us, but then i did the test ( shut it on purpose if that's possible?) and i went back in directly after and it was open. Now folks am i victim of stubborness, or do i have a person who likes their lids left open? I don't know... I will let you know definately

Jazz ( Yeah man!!)

This may come as a shock to some but honestly if i had to call myself a genre of music i would be jazz. Suprising to some because jazz equates to calm and layed back, mellow, NOT ME!!! These adjectives are definatly true with a glance at the surface,but depth lies within lyrics and musical instrumentation ( is that a word? lol). You can't put jazz into a box, just when you think you have it figured out, it changes rearranges, and makes you feel something beyond you. It's makes reality more interesting and dreams seem real.Jazz desires something more and wants to escape from pain, but risks that same pain for love. It defies color barriers and stereotypes, it's not what you think it is and even when it is, jazz has a way of making you want more. The desire to be loved can come off as desperation at one moment then turn to determination with just one note or vocal " doob be doo". What can be overwhelming, aimless, and consuming to one, is healing, thriving, and intoxicating to others. This some how my friends is just one of my many sides... READY????

His Saving Grace

The last time time i wrote i can honestly say i was a different person. I was lost, hurt, confused, yet thirsty for God's love or really just love in general. For the past 19 days i have been reading and meditating on Psalm 139 and breaking down one verse a day. During this time i have learned alot about myself and alot about My Savior. I realize that i do have the ability to commit to Christ and develop our personal relationship. I never really took Christ seriously, I always thought that it was something for old people or people with troubles just never for me.I never dreamed that i would be praying on a regualar basis and telling others to pray as well. Hmmmm i still feel like this is too formal... Like i am writing a paper for school or writing simply to write to impress people. I really don't know how to fix that i guess that is what i need to work on. Just getting to know myself and i feel as though God is holding me in this place until i really face what looks at me in mirror everyday. But my question is how do you approach yourself????? I mean am i really even doing this blog thing right??? I dont understand how i can go through so many emotions in a one paragraph.... So im just going to stop. Thank you God for your victory over this frustration just over this down time. THANK YOU LORD!!!! that's all i can say now is thank you.
im out keep praying friends there's a long way for me to go

Hello

Hello blog world,

well... after months of putting this off, i have finally given in to my calling. Blogging, honestly for the longest i have been itimidated to blog, i always thought it had to be a certain way, or format, or just like all the other expert bloggers out there. But finally after prayer, and countless hours of contemplation, i realized that blogging is what it is... MINE.Well not that i the queen of all bloggers, by no stretch of the imagination am i claiming that, but i can make it a personal experience. For once in an area of my life, i am free to write what ever i feel( with in Christian reason of course.) Here i can be anything,or anyone I want. I Think i will choose to be myself, as much as i've avoided it i just need to, because if i don't i might not ever get this chance again. To actually develop myself, take this single me time and embrace it. Who knows, it could be interesting. You know as i'm sitting here, for once i feel like i am coming into my element. I am doing something that comes naturally... i am on my way to doing me as my peers love to put it.
So, like i said i have never done this before, soooooo um im not really sure how this is gonna go, i mean as far as focus. I guess since it's about me i can start there but i really will try my best to do some research and see how others do it. Never to copy but i do need some guidance. Also this is a religious area, all comments are welcome but please keep the profanity and suggestive material to a minimum (just out of respect for my Heavenly Father and myself). I will try to write as often as i can, i think a lot so that may be often but then again i am moody so at times it may not be as often. But i think honestly this will be because i am on assignment from the Lord and i have to be obedient. Oh one more thing if i write about people in my life i will use an alternate name just out of respect for them. Well that's it really, I feel so aligned with God right now, i've got that tingling feeling in my heart, this is real for sure :)