hello all,
it has been nearly five months since i have posted what has been happening in my walk with Christ... in these past months i have grown to know the Lord in a way that i can't even explain.It seems everyday i experience gifts from him from all directions... but with that experience comes constant attacks from the enemy.
honestly the reason i have not been blogging regularly is because even though i own a laptop... i dont have internet in my apartment and honestly its annoying typing all this from my blackberry and do I really want to drive up and down the street just to go blog? hmmm Not really. It may not seem like a big deal but not having these basic modes of communication make me feel inferior and frankly out of touch or "un cool" so i just avoid everything. Its like why should i do this stuff that requires the extra effort, just not worth it to me. but i have been feeling convicted for not writing for some time now. I know i have alot to say and Alot that goes on in my life and struggles that i have. I have attempted to run away so many times i have lost count honestly. But one thing that remains is that i always end up back here.... Christ that is, searching for answers and a sense of identity.
So what should i do about this? Now this is the easiest part, discussing various solutions of how to fix ones short commings and correcting not so holy desires... its easy to come running back and say " yes, father i will do right by you this time" or yes father, this time will be different!! i repent!! i am sorry, i will change to be more like you!" yes it feels good in the moment and it feels right to say at the time and maybe some of us really do have the intent of changing.
But my question is, what about three months from now? Are you still as committed to change? Do you still have that yerning desire to please Him in the way you should? or have you slipped back into the old habits and use the phrase " well he knows my heart" Please don't take this as a personal attack because i am by no means perfect and i only speak on what i know and i know it because i have/ am currently doing it. This is my hard ship, maintaining that fresh desire and need for Christ in my life. Over and over again i find myself getting lazy and not keeping up with my promises... when does it stop... honestly? when do we stop treating God like a one night stand or submissive housewife or husband? When does he become truely the only thing we ever want? When our mind changes... toO many times we focus on changing the action rather than changing the decision behind the action. Romans 12:2 basically says be transformed by the renewing of your mind. you can't change what you do until you change the motive behinds those actions.
once again easier said than doNE. Prayer is KEY in this situation, well in life. Period. so if the Lord permits i would like to blog in the morning during my time with him. It wont be everyday because honestly i wont feel like it everyday...lol just being real. But i will do more because I want to be closer to him.
Enjoy
Aleta
